I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
