what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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