I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
