do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
