you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
