So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
