dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
