I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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