The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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