Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's never too late to be topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
