So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
