I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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