He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
