She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
