I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
