This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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