Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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