pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
