All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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