please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
