OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
