just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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