woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
