Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
