I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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