If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
