It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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