grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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