we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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