Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
