I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
