I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
