weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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