What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
