I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
