I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
