a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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