Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
