dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
