Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
