i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
