I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
