I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
