There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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