I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
