youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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