Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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