i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
