Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
