I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So apparently I’m into choking now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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