I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
