you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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