those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
