party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
