and she was petting her beer can
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
