can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
